“THE BEST MEDICINE” – By Des Kelly

 

Everyone, especially the readers of our great Lankan/Aussie website eLanka would be fully aware of the fact that, despite Covid 19 now being the curse of the century, medical professions around the world are advancing by leaps and bounds, everywhere one looks. While this is most encouraging, and plaudits are flying around like so much confetti, it has to be remembered that research into medical technology costs a fortune, so to continue with their good work, and help them with their various breaks-through, high finance is not just needed, it is needed right now.

Unfortunately, love and fresh air will not suffice.

Everything said and done, our Governments are now faced with a plethora of possible packages (financial). The following, however, have to be taken with the proverbial pinch of salt, but very seriously, nonetheless.

The ALLERGISTS voted to SCRATCH-IT

but the DERMATOLOGISTS advised against making any RASH-MOVES.

The GASTROENTEROLOGISTS had a sort of GUT-FEELING, but the NEUROLOGISTS thought that Admin. had a LOT-OF-NERVE, while the OBSTETRICIANS felt that they, the Administrators were all LABOURING under a MISCONCEPTION.

The OPHTHAMOLOGISTS considered the idea SHORT-SIGHTED, The PATHOLOGISTS yelled OVER-MY-DEAD BODY, but the PAEDIATRICIANS came back with “OH, GROW UP”!!.

The PSYCHIATRISTS thought the whole thing was SHEER MADNESS, although the RADIOLOGISTS could see RIGHT-THRU-IT.

The SURGEONS decided to WASH THEIR HANDS off it all, while the INTERNISTS thought it was a BITTER PILL to swallow, and the PLASTIC SURGEONS said “this puts a WHOLE NEW FACE on it”.

The PODIATRISTS thought that it was a STEP FORWARD, but the UROLOGISTS felt that the scheme WOULD NOT HOLD WATER.

The ANAESTHESIOLOGISTS thought that the whole idea WAS A “GAS”, and the CARDIOLOGISTS did not have THE HEART to say no.

At the end of it, the PROCTOLOGISTS left all the decisions to THE ASSHOLES

in Parliament.

     Before any of the above Specialists are looked after, we have to think about the numerous M.D’s we have to see in Australia and Sri Lanka, just to get the referrals to see any of the above, anyway. These poor hardworking souls have their own stories to tell.

This particular doctor was seeing a female patient who said to him, “Doctor, every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm”, “oh, is that so”?, the Doctor replied, “what have you been taking for it until you decided to see me”??,

“Pepper”, she replied. 

Another middle-aged man went in to see his doctor with a touch of stomach trouble. “Are your bowel movements regular”?, asked the M.D., “Yes”, replied the man, “every morning at eight, I have a bowel movement”, “then”, asked the baffled doctor, “what is your problem”?, 

“I don’t get up till nine”, replied the patient.

Doctor C, asked his patient “have you ever been incontinent”?, “no”, said the man, “I haven’t been interstate either!!.

Doctor D, was a man who knew that he could make any woman take her clothes off, and later bill their husbands for it. “oh doctor”, she said sweetly, “where can I put my clothes”?

“Put them there dear, right next to mine”, said the good doctor, without batting an eyelid !!.

     I certainly hope this article has made all our readers have a bit of a chuckle. If not, my advice would be, go and see your doctor. 

          Desmond Kelly.
(Editor-in-Chief)  eLanka.    

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